Some days, I'm just not feeling it. For all values of 'it'
Did some work today, not because it's what I'm supposed to do, but because it beat just sitting here staring into space. Which was my other option.
I'm really feeling unfocused lately. I thought it might be because I spent so much time working on the website and was feeling a little lost as I come back into the world of regular work.
But the truth is more insidious, I think. I'm very sad. Family health reasons. It's a trigger for me. I'm over empathizing with Brian's mom. Feeling exactly what it would be like if it were me and Brian in their place. It's overwhelming me and I think Im sitting in the depth of depression.
I need to do something to resurface soon, so that my brain chemistry doesn't find this easy to maintain. It's scary. I've been here before and I don't want to be here now.
It's a very lonely place to be because people can't really know how you feel. And you don't really want to bring people into this space, unless you're one truly cruel mfr. And it's difficult to bring yourself out of this, but the attitudes of others can help keep you here.
I just wanted to mark that I am feeling the exhaustion that comes with depression. And I am making an effort to break out of it. While I still remember how.