There’s been an awful lot of sudden loss and grief among my friends in the last week. I also have friends who have daily struggles with some monumental life curveballs.
It’s so difficult to find the right words sometimes. “I’m here. I’m listening. I love you.” are all I have. I can’t fix. In many cases, I can’t physically be there, so I have to come to terms with having peripheral value. I can’t take away someone’s pain. It’s a necessary part of the grieving process. I would like to offer strength, but it’s a nebulous concept.
I look at my life and realize that I’ve got so much, and yet, I’m still striving and frustrated because I am not achieving my goals. And I feel bad for complaining that I’m frustrated and depressed. (there, I said it. Depressed. Ugly creature that it is, its hold on me is a lot like someone trying to drown you slowly).
I’ve been looking at lot lately at failures I deal with. Losses I am coming to terms with. Missing those souls that touched my life in ways I could never count who I can’t thank in person.
If I ever misplaced my Goth Card, it’s accruing points again at an alarming rate.