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Schrödinger's Pussy
Observing a box has never been this much fun
The ties that bind, gently, seductively... 
23rd-Jun-2007 10:50 am
Recycled Heart
When do concepts like compromise, sacrifice, yielding, or giving in become things of beauty and nobility?
When does holding on to your lofty ideals with an iron grip no longer seem so valuable a trait?

When you bond with someone, that's when. Being with another person for the rest of your life takes a lot of searching for middle ground, and when it's a good relationship for you both, those compromises aren't bad things. They are wonderful ways of showing your deep love and devotion.

The concept that compromise makes you less valued in a relationship is false. Not compromising is what happens to that pampered child that never learned to share. A partnership is made of two people with a lifetime of individual experiences, not two puzzle pieces that fit together seamlessly. In a good pairing, neither is so important that they are exempt from having to give in once in a while. And sometimes the compromise is a very big thing and the sacrifice great. That's just how things fall sometimes. To expect to never have to change and yield is being that child throwing a tantrum because “it's just not fair!” A sense of fairness is acknowledging that sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose.

If it's such a very big deal to lose to someone you love once in a while then it's time to look hard at your commitment to the relationship. This is what they mean by growth. It takes more strength of character to change and evolve than to stick to your guns just because you believe that your idealism is most important to your sense of self.

Being a partner means things aren't all about yourself any longer. It takes maturity to accept that there needs to be a dual, equal importance that is enforced from both sides. It takes integrity to admit mistakes and work your way back to equality. It takes wisdom to admit that love isn't enough if both sides aren't willing to embrace the work it takes to make a life together.

Real love, true and abiding love, is when you are willing to make the sacrifice of selfish, not the sacrifice of self.
23rd-Jun-2007 07:23 pm (UTC)
very beautifully put Deb.
23rd-Jun-2007 09:16 pm (UTC)
I heard a song mention once, " forget about your ego and pride and you will never have to compramise" (spellin). I am faint to offer much relationship wisdoms as I have been celebate for 8 years now, been developing a relationship with my constant companion as that would be where my energies would be best served. I have found that any argument can be resolved easily if we keep love in mind though.
23rd-Jun-2007 09:36 pm (UTC)
Something spur this on?
24th-Jun-2007 03:29 am (UTC)
Yes. Something that recently did. Because of the work thing I just did, I will most likely need to travel to Chicago for a week. Brian has severe issues with me traveling alone. It's one of the reasons I quit the corporate job I had, the travel was getting more demanding and the worry was making him sick. Back then, I made the sacrifice. This time, he wants me to succeed and for us to continue to enjoy working together again after all these years. So he told me that he's going to be ok and is encouraging me to go. I realize what it means for him to make this gesture. It shows how he knows me and that he's willing to compromise.

However, this is a topic that's been on my mind for a while and I finally found a way to express it so that it encompassed the whole emotion.

I'm curious that you asked for the motive but didn't comment further. What's on your mind?
24th-Jun-2007 05:33 pm (UTC)
Something related to my post yesterday, and not related. Half mind-weasel, half real problem. Sorry for the vague.
23rd-Jun-2007 11:46 pm (UTC)
Very well said.
This is something I've been embracing, lately.
You put some of my thoughts into words and gave me more to think about and practice.
Thank you
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