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Schrödinger's Pussy
Observing a box has never been this much fun
Oh yes, please...I want to know what you think! 
28th-Feb-2008 09:44 pm
'Good Enough' in a relationship is good enough"

Experts are now saying "It's a fantasy to think you'll achieve perfection in a relationship. Chemistry, while important, is not all-important, and the "soul mate" concept sets the bar unrealistically high. "

Well, in my opinion, which consists of dating at least 30 different men in my life, and marrying 2 of them, that I am deliriously happy that I found someone who I have phenomenal chemistry with, who I am certain is my soul mate. Is our relationship perfect? It has bump and blips, but despite the occasional oddness, yes. It is perfect "For Me." After the dating and the failed first marriage, I knew what I wanted and wasn't going to settle for anything less. Perhaps I got fortunate to find him, but I can't imagine what life would be like any way else. I can't imagine a better matched partner for me than Brian.

So...Good Enough may be ok for some, but I've never been content with "Good Enough"
29th-Feb-2008 01:57 am (UTC)
"Good enough" is not enough for me.

I found myself shaking my head and scoffing a here and there while reading the article.

I've never been interested in simply being "good enough" for someone. If I were to simply be "good enough" for someone, it'd bring along a feeling of, I'm nothing grand -- but I'll do. As if they are settling for someone, as opposed to no one.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. Other than I completely am with ya on this. Being "good enough" is not something I'd ever be content with.

29th-Feb-2008 01:28 pm (UTC)
This is a tricky one. I don't believe you should "settle" for less than you want, but I also don't believe you should hold out for what you want if you have extremely high expectations.

I mean, if you're the kind of person who's holding out for the classic beauty who has a huge trust fund, a great job, loves to lavish you with gifts (and always knows what you like), shares all your kinks, loves all your hobbies, will never let the fire of romance dim for a second, ...yadda-yadda-yadda, you need to wake up to reality, decide what matters most and settle for that *OR* expect to live a lonely life. There are a lot of people out there who refuse to "settle" on their unrealistic expectations.

If you have realistic expectations, you know what matters most to you and you're willing to work through the other things or even let them slide completely, you don't have to settle.

Relationships are not perfect. Nothing is. People who want the perfect fairytale romance til death do they part are doomed to one disappointment after the other.

I'm not trying to be a downer here, but when you say your relationship is perfect *for you*, you are admitting that it's not perfect, but it's still everything you want. If you had been the holding-out-for-perfection type, you would be admitting that you settled for good enough. And I think that's all the article is saying.

"The point of the article is not to settle for any schmo off the street, but a good guy you like, enjoy the company of, and have realistic expectations of," she says.

If you're starting from a point of realistic expectations, knowing that nothing is perfect, and are than willing to work through the rough spots, you can find a really awesome match in this world. It still won't be perfect, but it will be really close. I'm reminded of an old engineering joke:

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked to review this mathematical problem. In a high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. The mathematician, physicist, and engineer were asked, " When will the girls and boys meet?"
The mathematician said, " Never."
The physicist said, " In an infinite amount of time."

The engineer said, " Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."

From an engineering standpoint, relationships are never perfect, but they can get close enough for all practical purposes. ;)

I, of course, also think my relationship is perfect for me/us and I know I didn't have to settle, but I also know I'm not very demanding or living in an unrealistic dream world. I haven't fallen for the moderm message of this world that you should always be looking for the next best thing. I know I already have the best things.
29th-Feb-2008 04:21 pm (UTC)
You've pretty much summed up how I feel too. I think what throws people off is the wording. "Good enough" implies that something's not great, but it'll do. Really it's more like having realistic expectations and knowing what you really need to be happy, versus all the extras that won't really matter in the long run.

The point of the article sort of reminds me of house shopping. If your list of criteria is 5 pages long, the only way you'll ever find your dream house is to hire an architect and build it yourself. But if there are some key needs, like a fireplace, 2 bathrooms, and a big yard for gardening, then when you find that house you're probably going to have to accept a basement that you're going to have to finish yourself, or the world's ugliest light fixtures. It won't matter though, because the house will have the things that you NEED to be happy, and you can work on the rest as you go.

Every good relationship require SOME work, and to expect differently is foolish.

Also, that joke makes me laugh. :)
3rd-Mar-2008 02:02 pm (UTC)
Good enough was never okay for me. Okay, you got me -- it was okay in high school, where having a boyfriend was more important to me than having a nice boyfriend. Doh!

Mark and I are a great couple. Perfect? I like to think so. He takes care of me, I take care of him, we tease the shit out of each other and have a lot of fun. When I compare this to my sister's marriage and my parents' marriage, I feel relieved because I know I would never have let myself put up with that shit and will never have to.

So yeah, why settle for good enough when you can be marvellously happy?
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