I work very hard and I care about what I do. I realize that I have a job that looks like it’s fun and cool and that I do it with apparent ease. Sometimes I make it look too easy, and that bites me squarely in the arse end.
I have worked very hard since I had my first job at 14 where I was a file clerk. I was never satisfied with just doing a good job. I wanted to be a shining star. I like showing off my brain and my talent.
I have earned every single perk and special consideration I have gotten. It’s what I’ve spent my career providing for myself. I understand that some folks would like to say “if everyone can’t do it that way, why should she?” but unless those people have worked for it and negotiated for it, they can’t really complain. Life isn’t fair and balanced, and I have no issue enjoying what I’ve been able to earn. I’d rather serve as inspiration for others to go get what they want out of a career.
I realize that we can’t know what it takes to do another’s job unless we actually do it. I know that most folks have no idea what it really takes for me to pull off the amazing things I do on a daily basis. They don’t even realize that these things they ask of me, that I deliver with eagerness, are actually amazing in the time frame and with the tools I have.
Which brings me to my change of attitude. I am going to try to put less pressure on myself to complete everything in record time and cease the fretting about work when I’m not actually working. I am no longer going to react to personal criticism when it is unwarranted, because I am not motivated by guilt. I am going to learn how to accept that sometimes being average is perfectly acceptable in a world where average is a good thing. That was actually very difficult for me to even type. It’s not part of my nature.
But, if I can take the energy I waste trying to be everything to everyone all the time, then I can put it back into the projects that my heart craves. I can put it into my writing and into my art and into my personal growth as well as the wonderful parts of the job I have that I love. Everyone gets the best from me and I still get to improve.
What I do is part of who I am, but I am not my job. I am so much more.
Originally published at Stage 3: bohemian. You can comment here or there.