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Schrödinger's Pussy
Observing a box has never been this much fun
Page 3 - to sleep, perchance to dream... 
3rd-Jan-2011 05:07 am
Alchemical Egg
I fail at sleep.

I go to bed around 11 pm and regularly wake up the first time around 3. Then I try to fall back asleep. Usually until about 4:30. Then I lay there until about 5 before I give up fighting and just get up.

I don't know what wakes me up. However, I do know what keeps me up. Thoughts. Memories. Frustrations. Stress. Brian's snoring.

Mostly, it's my head. My eyes feel sleepy, but my brain is fully engaged. I am fortunate that I don't have a lot of regrets, because that seems to be a fairly common topic for my morning brain to tackle.

Another is the voice of my mother telling me how different and better my life would be if only I were thin. That seems to be a favorite early morning staple.

If I have projects to work on, I very frequently have excellent solutions to difficult problems present themselves. I get a lot of inspirational thoughts in these early moments of the day. And that's why I don't always dread listening in to my brain as it starts revving up.

I wish I had some exercise I could give my brain to make those thoughts more of the norm than the nagging. Or even a solid distraction to give it so that I could fall back to sleep while it chugged through its machinations.

Fortunately, I do love the quiet and solitude of the morning. Once I make the decision to get up and quit fighting my brain for control, I tend to have the clearest thinking of the day. Before the coffee is done. Before I turn on any distraction of news or music, my mornings are like a crisp, refreshing drink of water.

I need to take this clarity and focus it in. Perhaps I will either be more engaged with life, or my brain will perceive this as punishment and allow me more time blissfully immersed in sleep.
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